Three Days

It's finally hitting me that I'm leaving on Monday. I have a habit of turning into Scarlet O'Hara whenever I'm under any significant amount of stress ("I'll think about it tomorrow, at Tara"), and I actually managed to get all the way through oh, yesterday before realizing that I'm not just pretending to pack, I'm actually getting ready to spend four months in another country, on another continent. I think the best way of describing my mood right now is finely calibrated terror.

If I think about it, though, my apprehension and stress levels have manifested themselves in almost everything I've done this break. Which is to say, not much. I'm sorry I've been m.i.a. for the majority of this past month. I've been spending a lot of time with my family, trying to cram it all in. For someone who is as close with her family as I am, not being able to go home every month is going to be a bit of a shock.

I've also been having mini (and sometimes not so mini) emotional breakdowns, crying hysterically at the smallest thing, and generally overreacting to slights, intentional and unintentional. For me, stress generally manifests itself in self-hatred and recriminations about my weight, which is unfortunate, since I've definitely put on holiday weight that I'm now trying to lose. Which adds more stress.

Well, the living room is covered in all of my things. I leave Monday night. I think I have to finally wrap my head around it.