I was really looking forward to 90210. I wanted (at best) for a version of Gossip Girl for the West Coast Set, where I could really care about the characters, or at least hate them enough to keep watching. A show where (usually uncomfortable) societal truths are raised in witty and infinitely quotable banter by characters wearing dresses that my entire savings account couldn't buy. Or at least a complete guilty pleasure that I could watch after class and work with a glass of wine (or a bottle) for a good soporific effect.
90210 was not that show. In fact, the only reason I watched the first (two hour!) episode in horror was because as bad as it started, it just. kept. getting. worse. Why? Well:
1. Every Single Female Character Was Underweight
I realize that 90210 is not trying to create a set of role models for today's middle school-aged girls. If they were, they would not have their 15 year old characters doing pills, or stealing, or any of the other stuff that makes for Good Teen Drama. But seriously, did the producers go out of their way to find underweight actresses? Like, did they put on the description "No one with a BMI over 15 need apply?" I remember back to my 10th Grade Experience, and I don't think I knew more than five or six girls who were as skinny as the actresses on 90210 (one of whom I know for a fact was anorexic). But most of my class mates were feeling the effects of puberty. What bothers me most about the 90210 actresses is that young middle school and younger girls will see them, think "I guess that's what high school girls ought to look like," and end up with the sort of unhealthy and unrealistic body image image problems that I, and so many women my age, have to grapple with to this day.
2. They Weren't Even Well Dressed
The actresses who looked like Holocaust Survivors weren't even well dressed! Seriously, they looked like they entered Charlotte Russe blindfolded and somehow ended up with the tackiest items that they then proceeded to put on all at once. Part of the fun of Gossip Girl is being like OMGZ I SAW THAT DRESS IN THE PRADA STORE WINDOW WHEN I WAS WALKING ON BROADWAY YESTERDAY. 90210 should learn from that.
3. Cyber-Bullying is Bad. But No One Could be Insulted by the Cyber-Bullying on that Show.
For real. Even back in high school, if someone made a badly animated video of me dancing with a cow and put it on the internets, I would have looked at them in disgust and thought, that's the best that you can do? I can hurt myself better than that.
4. Beverly Hills 15 Year Olds do NOT Listen to Tilly and the Wall
Now, I adore Tilly and the Wall. They have graced my ipod for several years running now, and I think their new album is terrific. But no one would have them play their Sweet Sixteen. If you're that rich, you're getting Chris Brown, or Rihanna, or whatever emo pop-punk band kids are listening to these days.
These points, plus the terrible dialogue and acting, mean that this show was a complete failure that I will
not be watching again.
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