Hallowe'en!

Happy Halloween!

This week has pretty much been utter hell. I had a massive paper due on Wednesday (15 pages! On how nonprofits get funding!) which led to lots of nights with Minimal Sleep and Maximum Stress. I didn't even have time to think about or work on my Halloween costume until Wednesday night. But work on it I did, to the extent of making a lot of tea to dye a white blouse I bought. Now it's beige and tea-colored. It looks like it's been sitting in someone's attic for a while, which is what I was going for. And that's exactly how much effort I'm putting into this costume.

Don't get me wrong, I like Halloween. I just like it a lot more when I have more time to prepare. And to have some idea of what we're going to do.

Last night Maddy and I went to the apartment of one of the faculty-in-residence for a cookie-decorating contest that his daughter held. We understood the email invitation to say "Come decorate cookies that will then be judged" instead of, correctly, "Bring decorated cookies to be judged." Sooo yeah. We showed up, saw lots of great cookies already made and presented, and were like "OH SHIT." Oh well. The family made us vegetarian chili (for which I want the recipe so bad) and then let us eat the cookies. And eat the cookies I did. I honestly felt sick afterwards (I probably had the equivalent of one big cookie. But I don't think my body is used to that high amount of fat or sugar in one sitting). After eating disgusting amounts, we watched the movie Nadja, which was this crazy black and white art film about vampires on the Lower East Side. Great soundtrack. And it was an ok movie, and even pretty funny if you just accepted what was going on and said "Whatever" to anything that made no fucking sense. There was quite a bit of blood though. And even in black and white, copious amounts of blood tend to make me feel weak and giddy. So there was a lot of me shuddering and looking away from the tv.

Afterwards Sonia texted us and asked if we wanted to go to this warehouse party in Brooklyn. Randomly, I said yes, and we got ready and schlepped to Red Hook. By the time we got there, though, it was full. So we schlepped back and I got to go to sleep. Wooo.

This morning when I woke up I made the mistake of weighing myself for the first time in like over a month. And what a mistake it was. I'm up to 127, which is not good considering the fact that I ought to be getting back down to 123 instead of rocketing ever upwards. I'm hoping it was the cookies from last night, and that with a few weeks of dieting I can get it off. It sucks that I feel like I can gain weight in two days that it takes three weeks to get off. So needless to say, I'm not drinking tonight. Or eating candy, but that's usually pretty easy for me to turn down, as long as it's wrapped. Loose candy in a bowl in front of me, not so easy. It's probably for the best, anyway. I'm going home for a haircut tomorrow, and it'll be nice not to be hungover for once.

Ugh. I feel really gross and low self-esteem now. This is why I hate weighing myself. I used to love it, when I was 118 and I could weigh myself every morning and feel skinny, then not eat for another day and be 118 again the next morning. Now whenever I weigh myself I feel like a whale.